Healing Relationships

July 7, 2012 | posted in: Health, Relationships, Spirituality | by 2 Comments

“There are no justified resentments. Give up your personal history.”

Wayne Dyer

I recently performed a memorial service for an old friend of mine. She lived and died very unhappy and depressed. I once asked her why she found life so unpleasant and she told me it was because of her husband. He was critical, controlling and dominated every aspect of her life. For over 60 years that they were married, she chose to live as a victim. Every time she blamed him for her unhappiness, she was giving him to power to control her. At any time, she could have chosen to see him differently, chosen to make decisions for herself. Their marriage became a dance of aggressive and passive aggressive behavior. Had she chosen to appreciate the good in her husband instead of focusing only on his negative aspects their marriage could have transformed into one of love and harmony or they both would have realized that they were not a match made in heaven.

There is no magic in transforming relationship, it simply requires your willingness to get off of any position that you have taken that makes the other person wrong. It means that you no longer criticize or judge; rather you become the very person you want to be in relationship with. How often have you described the perfect mate in terms that you are not living yourself? If you want an open, loving, communicative, vulnerable and harmonious relationship, you have to demonstrate those attributes yourself. Marriages of many years have a history, some of it joyful and some painful. Focusing on the hurtful parts will not foster a transforming marriage but will tear it down and often lead to divorce. Keeping the joy alive means remember the good times, choose every day to create more good, more joy, more love and acceptance. The past has only the power that you give it.

The moment you accept the responsibility of transforming your relationship, you will feel empowered and you will see improvement right away. Try it!!!!!.

2 Responses to Healing Relationships
  1. Carole,
    I have been really wanting to meet with you for some for life coaching. Every time I hear you at Unity North, I am able to be recentered and try to go it on my own. My last few years have been quite eventful…This past year put me to the absolute end of my rope. The kind where you find out what you’re made of, and who your friends are.
    I have the above described relationship with my husband – he is VERY controlling, and has many “issues” like abuse of alcohol, drugs, ADD, fears as a result of his being adopted, he emotionally manipulates, etc…
    We saw a counselor last year for months, but I walked out when she got to a point where she was so exasperated with him, she was speechless…
    I was ready to leave him, after reading many books, listening to many people’s advice until I found Greg Baer’s “Real Love in Marriage.” I read this and it resonated with me. OK, I will try this. I was able to try to apply this to begin to find a path to continuing our marriage. Now, understand there are so many circumstances here I can’t begin to explain… Where I am now is back in a place that I am trying to understand how to keep being the one to be positive and loving in this relationship, and not be controlled as I am feeling.
    From what I have learned in the past year, divorce is not going to solve my happiness, or fix anything. I have 3 children with him, and that binds us forever. He loves them, and they idolize him, and they are too young to understand the complexity of what we experience…. heck MOST people can’t fathom the complexity of our life. Our counselor couldn’t even believe we were able to keep functioning through what we were going through. Anyway, I need help. I need someone to affirm that that sticking with this marriage is the right thing to do, and to give me some coaching as to how to mend this relationship, or tell me it is beyond repair.
    I live in Canton as well. Would you be willing to talk? Perhaps Tuesday or Wednesday next week during school hours?
    Amy Rose

    • Amy,
      I would be happy to talk with you and see if we can come to some understanding and perhaps some direction for you in this marriage. You can email @ caroleo@windstream.net or call me at 770-720-1975 and we can set up a time to meet. I am going out of town next week for a week but have some time this week to see you if possible.

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